Philosophical Break-up Lines

Socratic: What do you mean by "I"? What do you mean by "Love"? What do you mean by "You"?

Cartesian: You are just not thinking anymore.

The Fermatian: I know why we're breaking up, I just don't have the space to write down the answer.

Determinist: It just wasn’t meant to be!

Aquinas:
1. I am in love with you.
2. God is love.
3. Therefore, I am in God with you.
4. Other people are also in God.
5. Therefore, I am in love with other people.

Popper: Inductively, I thought I loved you and only you. Deductively, screwing your sister proved that false.

Utilitarian: It’d be better for both of us if I just left.

Taoist: In order to love you, I must also hate you.

Hegel: The thesis is we're breaking down. The antithesis is to fix it up. The synthesis is...we're breaking up.

Rousseau: I was born free and now am in chains.

Buddha: You just don't understand how much my desire for you is making me suffer.

Christian: I've run out of cheeks for you.

Eulerian: Our relationship has been constant, but irrational

Zen Koanist: Tell me where the darkness goes at daybreak. That's where this relationship is going.

Heisenberg : Our relationship is moving so fast, I don't know at what point it is any more.

Mystic: Lets continue our relationship exclusively in a non spacio-temporal realm.

Minimalist: Bye.

Extracted from Thoughts, Arguments & Rants.